The wind is blowing very hard now
It whispers the riot of my silence
But its blow is not as hard as my worries
And I can understand their whispers
even though they are wordless

In the cave of my insecurity and low self-esteem
I hide my heart and my infidelity
with smile, some bottles of beer,
and meaningless words

Wish you were here
Wish I were understood
Wish I were happy
Wish there were no worry
Wish it were just the wind
and not the sound of my heart

I had different hopes
in different people yesterdays

Today I might want to quit hoping
that life would treat me better
and love would be on my side

I might want to embrace my legs
so they would cover my heart
and protect it from being broken again

Yesterdays were not today
but still they were precious to me
not as memories
but as lessons I learned in life
but as traumas that forever will haunt me
until I forget what pain is
and let a kiss soothe my doubts

Give me the Alzheimer of heart, oh Almighty
and bless me with an idle mind

Bodoh,

I understand that money is more important than me
because without money, you can’t play the bills and date me out

I understand that your mother is more important than me
because she’s the woman who has given you love the most,
she is old, she is lonely, she isn’t in perfect health and you’re her favorite child

I understand that your little girls are more important than me
because they are your little angels and they are the love of your life
and you’re scared that you will lose their love

I understand that your relatives are more important than me
because you are close to them
because we are Indonesians

I understand that your friends are more important than me
because they’ve known you long before we met

Maybe I am not important to you
and I just a disturbance in your busy, complicated life

I have no money to give to you
I am not the woman who gave birth to you
I am not the mother of your little angels
I might be not as fun as your friends

But I sincerely love you, Bodoh
Is it enough?

If I had the power
there would be no birth
so there would be no forever loss
as if there were no birth, there would be no death
but then there would be no chance
for those loving couples
to extend their love

If I had the power
there would be no hunger
so people wouldn’t just do anything for money
but then people would get lazy
and life would be so dull

If I had the power
there would be no accident
and we all would live peacefully
but then there would be no incident
that gets those far souls closer

If I had the power
there would be no evil
but then life would be imbalanced
and people would not pursue goodness

If I had the power
men would have no free will
and there would be a single will that is forced:
God’s

If I had all those powers
I would be too busy to be with my loved ones
and I would get a place in Hell
for I just human
and I would misuse the powers

So thank you, God
for all the bad and the good things in my life
as they shape my human side sharper
and there is always a need to call Your Name

Life is not as sweet and as soft as marshmallows
It is neither as hard as the hardest rock
But living with You, God
gives me a reason to appreciate this life
even though I do not sleep
on a field of cotton

(that would itch my skin.)

I don’t feel sentimental today
but it doesn’t mean that I’m not feeling sad
it doesn’t mean that my heart is not broken
it doesn’t mean that I’m not thinking of you
it doesn’t mean that I’m not wishing that you’re here

Mommy,

You’re the best person in my life
and you will always be
even an angel can’t
make herself as special as you are to me
not because you’re my mother
but because you’re born to be that special,
especially to Dad and myself

Mommy,

Happy Mother’s Day in Heaven
I have no flower to give you this very day
and prayers will never be enough to be sent to you

I believe you need not flowers
and you don’t need my prayers, either
as the earth I’m still living in
is nothing compared to the beauty and grace
of the Place where you are now

But as I’ve always given you:
This is my heart, Mommy…
and it will be always yours
until the day we meet again and more

I love you.

PS. Stay funky and cool forever, please?

Mother’s Day, poem, poems

I wish the end of this world
fell before December 2005
so I needed not to lose my mother
and we’re still together by now

I wish I knew
how to burn the bridge behind me
so I would not look back anymore
and I kept the child in my soul happy

Fall down, bridge
Fall down!

Fall down, at least
if I could not burn you…